Archive for March, 2008

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Couldn’t sleep… so I thought I would finish writing this blog post. It being a week after Easter, I have been thinking about God’s love in my life. And since coming out here to Arizona, I’ve thought more about this topic than I could ever remember. Asking questions like: What has His love set me free from? & What does His love look like?

Looking Back:

I remember my life before I met Christ and I was constantly depressed, angry, self-absorbed and at one point suicidal. I felt trapped by the lie that somehow I had to win the approval of people around me to feel loved. Thinking back on it, it was pretty bleak. Not to mention that on the outside I put on a mask- pretending that everything was “fine” and that I didn’t have a broken relationship with my mother and that on certain days I didn’t want to see the light of day.

“It was for freedom, Christ has set us FREE!” – Galatians 5:1

It was neat getting to share Easter with some of the staff, and after breaking bread, sharing about this topic of what has God set us free from? – looking around I could tell that God had brought each of us a long way. 🙂 I heart you guys!

Why do we celebrate that HE IS RISEN? – Thinking about it a little more this year, I realized that if Christ had not risen, his blood would be on our hands and there would be reason for more wrath. But … He rose! And He is a alive so that we could live with Him in victory over the grave!

What does His Love look like?…

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It’s been cool to think that the gospel could be still fresh and still speaking to me today. A few months back, at a retreat, I had asked God the question, what does your love look like? and as I was being distracted as can be the case for me, I realized that the cup of tea that I had just poured my self had a film of dirt floating at the at the top. The cup probably had gathered dust and apparently needed a wash before use… and I have to admit I was irritated.

Funny enough just then, it hit me how ever since being on staff with the Navs its been easy to think that this is my “job” and somehow I have earned my way to be out here. But at also at times feeling anxious, because I felt like there were those expecting me to do this “job” well, which made me feel pressure to perform. But this reality of my heart was, like the cup in my hands – all I had was a pretty nasty tasting, dirt filled cup of tea. And God’s reminded me “For the wages of sin is death, BUT the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus.” – Romans 3:23. HE wanted to offer ME, a gift. Not a wage for things that I did or could one day claim to do. For that moment I thought, if God’s love looked like anything. For me, it might look like….

… a New Cup of Tea

Though at times I call this my “job” it is more and more becoming (when He reminds me) instead my “joy” – because this life is not mine to claim or earn. It is by “[His] mercy that we have this ministry.” – 2 Corin. 4:1